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I am now playing Infection, please join my team

2007-02-16T17:26:02Z


THIS CARD RELATES TO GAME # 4
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Broken Cup

2007-02-11T05:38:49Z

Well the swing set is rusted,
The picture frame's cracked,
The photos have all faded to gray.
The faces you trusted,
Just never came back,
Yes childhood has eroded away.
And the songs that your mother sang,
As she rocked you to sleep,
You howl out of tune when you're drunk.
Wear good shoes on these streets,
Or you'll soon cut your feet,
On a piece of the broken cup.

After so many Johns and Janes,
Have stained your sheets,
Is it habit or thirst brings them back?
After so many pipers,
Have played on these streets,
Who is missed more, the children or the rats?
Yes we've traded our toy choo-choo trains,
And rosary beads,
For a bottle of gin and a fuck.
Now we sit 'round the bar,
Proud of how bored we are,
As we drink from our broken cup.

We sing, "everything, everything, everything,
Is now permitted.
All the oaths we've taken,
Have been graciously forgotten,
And every sin, every sin,
Is now forgiven."
And every sip somehow tastes rotten.

So let's drink to the men,
Who forgot what they lost.
They've got the best shoes that money can buy.
And a toast to our impotence,
Our cowardice, our sloth,
Nothing matters, why bother to try?
And three cheers for Mary,
Our virgin, our whore.
If she favors you, it's just dumb luck.
Now I'll lift up my glass,
To a life on our ass.
Brothers, lift your cup high,
While your waiting to die,
May we all find a trace,
A faint echo of grace,
Through the crack in our broken cup.

Okay ... update time!!!

2007-02-10T05:57:48Z

I've been working my lil tail off latley ... so I haven't been posting much.
Well. I'm doing well in both jobs.
Twenty hours a week at the grocery store and fourty plus at the hospital.
Alot of the residents have been passing away this week, which is sad, but you have to expect things like that to go down in this line of work. It sucks to get to know someone and make them laugh, only to find out that they passed away the night that you had off from work. But it's something I'll have to get used to, and work extra hard to make the time that I spend caring for them as comfortable as I can.

I've come to a conclusion that I've come to many times before. Guys are clueless, and not to mention they also suck.
There is one guy inparticular that I've found attractive on many diffrent levels. But all he wants is a physical relationship and it seems to me that I am just the filler girl till he finds someone he is interested in enough to want to date them.
We get together from time to time to watch movies at his place, or do the physical thing, but it's rarely ever more than that. I've spent the night with him a number of diffrent times, and we fall asleep talking about a bunch of diffrent things, most of which that he is really confused about why this girl dosn't like him the way that he likes her, and how girls never want to commit to anything and that they are really missing out on a great guy. He's never hinted that he is interested in me that way, and I'm unsure about talking to him and telling him that I could be interested in him more than just physically ... but I think that if I do I'll lose even that because it'll come off as too clingy, when all he wants from me is a NSA arangement.
Le sigh.

I'm exited over how much money that I'm saving up, I have a little over a grand put away and that is only after working about a month or so. So I figure wait it out a few more months, and start looking for a nifty lil income based appartment near the hospital. Then around August, I can apply for the college scholarship the hospital provides for employees, and quit the grocery job ... with enough savings to cushion any financial speedbump I may hit along the way.

I feel so grownup. I catch myself feeling much like my mother when I'm going to work or reading a book that we both like during my breaks at work. I have to admire her for going through all this while taking care of me and my brother when she was so young. She's such a strong woman and I want to impress her. Show her what I have finally acomplished, and what I'm on my way to becoming.

Work update

2007-01-12T23:46:12Z

I go to the orientation at the hospital on Monday, and after that, I can start working there. I also got the job at Kroger, full time, willing to work around the hours the hospital puts out. So it looks like I'll be working all kinds of different floating shifts in both places. The hospital puts out a schedule once a month, and Kroger once a week, so fitting them together and getting enough rest probably won't be too much of a problem. I'm just going to be REALLY BUSY.

I figured that I'll work at the Kroger till I get a full time position from the Hospital ... then switch to part time at Kroger till I can apply to the college scholarship that the Hospital pays for after six months of part time or full time work, then resign from Kroger, and focus on school and the nursing assistant job.

I've been trying to figure out how much I want to divide into savings ... at first I was thinking 75% of the cna pay would go into savings, and the rest would be spending cash. But then I got the job at Kroger ... so I'm also thinking about putting all the cna pay into savings except for the money I'm putting away for retirement (The woman I met with today said that if I started now, I might be able to retire at 55 ) and spending the money I earn at the grocery store (roughly 1200 before taxes) which could also be saved for summer travel. I still need to talk to my gran dad about that one, since he's helping me out with everything including money management until I get my own place.

Tickle Me Elmo On Fire

2007-01-04T01:06:23Z



"Tickle Me Elmo On Fire" on Google Video
If you thought Furby in the microwave was disturbing, wait until you see the clip of Tickle Me Elmo.

Presents!!! These are some of the presents I got for christmas

2006-12-30T14:38:25Z

They pictures suck, but they were taken with a $21 digital camera bought at the dollar general.

4 gig MP3 player

baby palm dragon ( from a guy who makes them at the renaissance faire )

exit to eden by anne rice

nifty celtic puzzle box

a hawiian giraffe named blueberry

I also got
tea ( The Republic of Tea ... really good stuff ),
coffee (Yay!!! Sleep dep here I come! weeee!),
digital camera (The cheap POS that I took these pictures with)
my tattoo (Which I probably shouldn't have gotten where I did ... artist-wise ... it's starting to look a little sketchy)
candles (Vanilla, Spruce, and Berry smelling)
a Silent Hill Tee (Featuring Pyramid Head)
Jenga (Yea ... I got Jenga... the old wood version.)

14thofnever @ 2006-12-26T21:30:00

2006-12-27T02:36:27Z

I got a tattoo for christmas. Its a claddagh with knotwork around it. There's room for improvement and further work to be done on it. But all in all, I'm happy with it. It's still really sensetive. Feels like a sunburn. I can't wait for it to heal and be normal.

My temporary bout of decreaced self worth

2006-12-17T05:47:31Z

I found out that one of my friends died. In september. And I didn't even hear anything about it till tonight. Tore me up pretty badly. I wanted to go out and do something tonight ... anything to get my mind off of what happened. But then I remembered that I was the new girl in town. I haven't even been here for a month. It doesn't help that this is a little back road hick town with nothing going on. I was even willing to drive an hour to and from the closest major city ...

It's pretty pathetic when you have absolutely nothing to do on a saturday night. I had the intention to go out to a club tonight, but that plan fell through when no-one I knew decided to go. I ended up going to a movie, by myself - the paramount of sad. Called up a few people, hoping that there would be something to do ... go to a bar ... a live show ... or a pool hall (and I don't even play pool) just for the conversation and the company. No go. So, here I am, back at home, checking my email. No messages on any of my eight different accounts. No one online.

Le sigh.

Dragostea Din Tei - O-Zone

2006-12-12T07:20:35Z

This song makes me happy. I don't know why. Maybe its the flamboyant boys dancing on airplanes ... perhaps its - no, I'm pretty sure it's the flamboyant boys dancing.

14thofnever @ 2006-12-09T06:30:00

2006-12-09T06:30:10Z

I can't sleep.
This post be the result of absolute boredom/sleep deprivation

i don’t wanna be a shred
of a pencil on your page
erasable
and fade-worthy
the very least i deserve is ink, i think
preferably something like a gel thingy
with one a them nice grips
because… because… because
yeah, i’m doing just fine

i used to be able to hang out without
somebody trying to get in my face
or trying to get in my pants
or trying to change my mind
because everyone seems to know
so much better than me
how it is
and why i’m wrong
when all i want is to sit here
and write a little poem for someone
that made me feel good today

but instead, yeah,
here’s this one from my side of the fence
telling me i sold out
just cuz i’m not nineteen anymore
just cuz i’m not naive anymore
just cuz i saw enough fucked up things to know
that my political platform buddies
make me wanna scream
YOU JUST DON’T FUCKING GET IT

because we don’t know how to listen
and we are three-year-olds throwing
temper tantrums of hope and peace and love
telling each other that we respect
each other
that we have all the answers

and no one seems to get the fact that
that factory man in nebraska don’t wanna know
shit about nothin’ but the bread on his table
and the bible under his belt

so please don’t write me down in pencil
don’t make me erasable
paint me in reds, whites and blues
because i’m one of the last ones
that gives a shit about more than ideals

14thofnever @ 2006-12-09T09:30:00

2006-12-07T07:30:05Z

Counterpart ... old memories ... I've moved on.

I can't remember the face of my wife,
But from halfway around the world I can smell her hair.
And every stranger that brushes by becomes the love of my life,
Oh but I can't betray her, her arms are everywhere.

She said "don't just touch, I want you to crawl inside,"
As she backed out the door with both hands on my gun,
Well I never knew my father,
So I guess I don't expect that I will ever meet my son.

Now I surrender, I'll go blind to her side.
I guess I'll spend the evening in the passenger chair.

Yes I've studied the scriptures, the guidebooks, the maps,
Oh I drank, I drank, more from habit than thirst.
Somehow I never noticed that you only touch your shadow
When your feet are on the earth.

And I can't remember if I'm still on the train,
But I'll just trust the driver.
I just trust the driver.
Her arms are everywhere.

Please don't tell me where we're going.
Just drive. Just drive.
Please don't tell me where we're going.
I like to be surprised.

Mission statement and introduction

2006-12-07T07:19:39Z

Feel what you’re feeling. Be who you are. Live honestly. Speak only the truth. Follow your instincts. Love passionately. Search for answers. Allow change. Force nothing. Be spontaneous. Reflect.

Don’t be disrupted by another’s plans for you.

Go forth into the world with no apology intended for who you are; go only with the expectation you’ll make an impact.

Welcome to my public journal. Here you will find the odds and ends of my life; interesting stories, my opinions, new photos, etc. Enjoy!